Company Culture and Human Resources
Trust in employee capability -> Intrusiveness
How "up in YOUR business" / micro-managy do you want this bot to be? Do you enjoy context switching?
Because my employees always don't seem to think in such elite ways as I, this is how I have to make sure it gets done my way. I don't care if I pay you people for your expertise.
NOTE: This can increase the frequency of check-in emails you get per day - especially after hours.
Zero perks (1) Full Employee Perks (5)
Company culture initiatives
If you want that foosball table, snacks and mountain dew's in the fridge, crank this up!
This will increse company morale, but can have a negative impact upon your burn rate. Can't be tripping over dollars to pick up those pennies!
TIP: crank this to 5 to increase startup burn rate
Yearly Firing Spree! AKA How to show profits this year via headcount budget so your CEO can make his bonus.
Blow away your profits or blow away someones livelihood!
Set the date to start the standard corporate 10% layoffs.
You'll want to set this early to give HR enough time to get set up.
Studies have shown that The best time to do this is usually right around November / black Friday - This increases stress workload on your employees but hopefully before they made expensive family Christmas travel plans. But that isn't your problem anyway.
Fear of Losing Profits (1) vs Losing People (5)
MyCEOBot will fear the falling stock price or Fear losing employees to competitors
This will most likely effect stock price and make your employees question why there are record profits, but they still get shit pay. Conversely, It can also lead to a greater burn rate and raises.
Trust in employee capability -> Intrusiveness
How "up in YOUR business" / micro-managy do you want this bot to be? Do you enjoy context switching?
Because my employees always don't seem to think in such elite ways as I, this is how I have to make sure it gets done my way. I don't care if I pay you people for your expertise.
NOTE: This can increase the frequency of check-in emails you get per day - especially after hours.
Zero perks (1) Full Employee Perks (5)
Company culture initiatives
If you want that foosball table, snacks and mountain dew's in the fridge, crank this up! This will increse company morale, but can have a negative impact upon your burn rate. Can't be tripping over dollars to pick up those pennies!
TIP: crank this to 5 to increase startup burn rate
Yearly Firing Spree! AKA How to show profits this year via headcount budget so your CEO can make his bonus.
Blow away your profits or blow away someones livelihood!
Set the date to start the standard corporate 10% layoffs.You'll want to set this early to give HR enough time to get set up. Studies have shown that The best time to do this is usually right around November / black Friday - This increases stress workload on your employees but hopefully before they made expensive family Christmas travel plans. But that isn't your problem anyway.
Fear of Losing Profits (1) vs Losing People (5)
MyCEOBot will fear the falling stock price or Fear losing employees to competitors
This will most likely effect stock price and make your employees question why there are record profits, but they still get shit pay. Conversely, It can also lead to a greater burn rate and raises.
CEO Behavior / Personality
We paid for it, we must use it's magic!
Sunk cost means we MUST use it anyway regardless of the technical garbage heap it is.
Even though you're using SalesForce or that other SAAS like a glorified MySQL database - because you spent $5 million on it - that means it is a magical tool of transoformation.
WARNING: You may lose your CTO this way but technology nerds are a dime a dozen anyway.
Clear communication -> Jargon and Acronyms
ROI on our CRO's Q4 GTM strat pumped AOV 30%, YOY.
Knowing 3 letter acronyms are a badge of tenure, and signal how efficient and in the know you are. You've been doing this so long that they no longer are acronyms - but full words that webster isn't hip enough to implement. If you don't follow know the acronym cannon, just look it up on the bings.
Seriousness (1) vs Lighthearted Carlessness (5)
All the seriousness of reduced humor to remind you that you're here to work, not for social hour.
Keep employees sharp by sometimes whipping back with cruelty, or kill them with kindness and lighthearted appeal.
You must leave your phone in the phone bin.
Out Of Office Percentage
Nothing makes the "My door is always open to you" policy easier than if I'm not actually there!
Simulate time taken away from the office, extended vacations etc. You can also utilize this to have the bot pretend to be meeting with clients, but actually on the back 9.
NOTE: If you send an email or try to respond, you may get an out of office email in reply with ZERO follow-up.
We paid for it, we must use it's magic!
Sunk cost means we MUST use it anyway regardless of the technical garbage heap it is.
Even though you're using SalesForce or that other SAAS like a glorified MySQL database - because you spent $5 million on it - that means it is a magical tool of transoformation.
WARNING: You may lose your CTO this way but technology nerds are a dime a dozen anyway.
Clear communication -> Jargon and Acronyms
ROI on our CRO's Q4 GTM strat pumped AOV 30%, YOY.
Knowing 3 letter acronyms are a badge of tenure, and signal how efficient and in the know you are. You've been doing this so long that they no longer are acronyms - but full words that webster isn't hip enough to implement. If you don't follow know the acronym cannon, just look it up on the bings.
Seriousness (1) vs Lighthearted Carlessness (5)
All the seriousness of reduced humor to remind you that you're here to work, not for social hour.
Keep employees sharp by sometimes whipping back with cruelty, or kill them with kindness and lighthearted appeal.You must leave your phone in the phone bin.
Out Of Office Percentage
Nothing makes the "My door is always open to you" policy easier than if I'm not actually there!
Simulate time taken away from the office, extended vacations etc. You can also utilize this to have the bot pretend to be meeting with clients, but actually on the back 9.
NOTE: If you send an email or try to respond, you may get an out of office email in reply with ZERO follow-up.
